fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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