Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
