would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
