My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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