I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
