I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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