I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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