I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
