remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
