Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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