So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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