You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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