He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
