he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
