This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize