there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
