Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
