I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I AM VODKA MAN
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize
