Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
