Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
