i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
