Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
