i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
