8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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