What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
