I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
