glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
