I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
