So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
