my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
