Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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