I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
