I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
