shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
