no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
