Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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