When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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