But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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