So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
