i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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