WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
