your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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