Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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