i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
