Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
