at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
