dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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