apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
