brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
