Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
