The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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