Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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