So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
