he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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