Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
