Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
