Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
