His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
