ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
