i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
