So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
