He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
