I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
