Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
