I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
