so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
