she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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