when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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