Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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