are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
